パラノイドガール / Paranoid Girl

utsuroTitle: パラノイドガール
Paranoid Girl

Circle: 凋叶棕 (Diao ye zong)
Album: 虚 -utsuro-
Vocal: めらみぽっぷ (Meramipop)
Lyrics: RD-Sounds
Arrangement: RD-Sounds
Released: Comiket 91

Original:
東方地霊殿 ~ Subterranean Animism
ラストリモート (Last Remote)

This album may or may not exist.

路傍の小石 – “A small rock (小石, pronounced koishi) by the side of the road.” As she is so unnoticed, Koishi has been compared to this in canon.
盲目の笑顔 – meaning “blind smile” which is also the title of the Satori Maiden ~ 3rd Eye arrangement from the album Haruka by the same circle.
At the very end, 妄想 (delusions) is written but “voices” is sung.


あなたたちはいつだって
隠し事をしてばかり
その心に疚しい言葉を隠し持って

anatatachi wa itsu datte
kakushigoto wo shite bakari
sono kokoro ni yamashii kotoba wo kakushimotte

All of you are only ever
Keeping secrets from me.
Hiding devious words within your hearts.

どんな気持ちでいようと
お決まりの笑顔だけ
その表面に貼り付けて

donna kimochi de iyou to
okimari no egao dake
sono omote ni haritsukete

No matter what you’re feeling,
You appear with the same old
Smiles pasted onto your faces.

どうしてそんな嘘をつくの?
みんなわたしで遊んでいるの??
わたしがどういうモノなのかを 知りながら!

doushite sonna uso wo tsuku no?
minna watashi de asondeiru no? ?
watashi ga dou iu mono nano ka wo shirinagara!

Why do you lie like that?
Are you all messing with me??
While you know what I am like!

嗚呼
我慢ならない 偽りの声
無責任な言葉だけが木霊する
あなたたちはそれをごまかすのでしょう
けれどこれら全ての声――知っているのよぜんぶ!

aa
gaman naranai itsuwari no koe
musekinin na kotoba dake ga kodamasuru
anatatachi wa sore wo gomakasu no deshou
keredo korera subete no koe ― shitteiru no yo zenbu!

Aah!
I can’t endure it. Those deceiving voices,
Only their careless words are echoing.
You’re all hiding them, aren’t you.
But all those voices ― I know about all of them!

――私には聞こえるのよ。
はじめは虚ろに響く声
次第に強さを増すその声
わたしを蔑む無数の声
けして止まらない!

watashi ni wa kikoeru no yo.
hajime wa utsuro ni hibiku koe
shidai ni tsuyosa wo masu sono koe
watashi wo sagesumu musuu no koe
keshite tomaranai!

I can hear them, you know.
At first the voices resounded hollowly.
The voices gradually increased in strength.
Innumerable voices are scorning me,
And they just won’t stop!

路傍の小石を
蹴っ飛ばすときみたいに
相手の気持ちなど何も感じないくらいに

michibata no koishi wo
kettobasu toki mitai ni
aite no kimochi nado nani mo kanjinai kurai ni

Like when they kick hard
At a pebble by the side of the road,
Not even considering the other’s feelings.

そんな誹謗中傷を浴びせて
そんな罵詈雑言をぶつけて
よくも平気でいられるのね

sonna kotoba wo abisete
sonna kotoba wo butsukete
yokumo heiki de irareru no ne

You’re casting these kinds of slurs at me,
Throwing this kind of verbal abuse at me.
How could you do that so remorselessly?

わたしのことを嗤っているでしょう?
心の奥で蔑んでいるでしょう??
わたしがどれほど傷ついてるか 知りもせず!

watashi no koto wo waratteiru deshou?
kokoro no oku de sagesundeiru deshou? ?
watashi ga dorehodo kizutsuiteru ka shiri mo sezu!

You’re ridiculing me, aren’t you?
Looking down on me deep in your heart??
Without any idea of how much I’m hurting!

嗚呼
どうして私だけこんな目に
数え切れない悪意に曝されて
あなたたちはずっと黙っているけど
けれど“これら全ての声”――気のせいなはずがないわ!

aa
doushite watashi dake konna me ni
kazoe kirenai akui ni sarasarete
anatatachi wa zutto damatteiru kedo
keredo “korera subete no koe”―― ki no sei na hazu ga nai wa!

Aah!
Why am I the only one to be exposed
To this endless malice, with this eye?
Even though you’re being silent all this time,
There’s no way all these voices are just my imagination!

ほらぎしぎしと軋ませるよに
ほらぐじゅぐじゃと掻き混ぜるよに
ほらがたがたと騒いで回る
私の頭の中を

hora gishigishi to kishimaseru yo ni
hora gujuguja to kakimazeru yo ni
hora gatagata to sawaide mawaru
watashi no atama no naka wo

Like this, creaking and grating.
Like this, scrambling and churning.
Like this, rattling around noisily.
Inside of my head.

私のことを疎ましがらないで
私のことを毛嫌いしないで
私のことを掻き毟らないで
私を放っておいて!

watashi no koto wo utomashigaranaide
watashi no koto wo kegiraishinaide
watashi no koto wo kakimushiranaide
watashi wo houtte oite!

Please don’t cut me out.
Please don’t detest me.
Please don’t tear me apart.
Leave me alone!

聞きたくない
笑っていたい 聞こえてしまう
笑えない

kikitakunai
waratteitai kikoete shimau
waraenai

I don’t want to listen.
I want to smile. But when I end up hearing,
I can’t smile!

嗚呼
きっとあなたも私のことを
それを思うことだけでも恐ろしい
けして耐え切れない 出来損ないなの
そうよ――こんなものもって生まれて あなたのようになれはしない!!

aa
kitto anata mo watashi no koto wo
sore wo omou koto dake demo osoroshii
keshite tae kirenai dekisokonai na no
sou yo ―― konna mono motte umarete anata no you ni nare wa shinai! !

Aah!
Surely just by thinking about me

You, too, must get a sense of dread.
It’s unbearable, there’s nothing I’m good for.
Yes ― I was born like this. I can never become like you!!

嗚呼
盲目の笑顔 それさえ遠く
虚ろな視線を虚空に彷徨わせ
パラノイドガール 心殺して
今日も聞こえ来る妄想の限り
けして笑う事無く

aa
moumoku no egao sore sae tooku
utsuro na shisen wo kokuu ni samayowase
paranoido gaaru kokoro koroshite
kyou mo kikoekuru koe no kagiri
keshite warau koto naku

Aah!
Even a blind smile is a distant thing.
Blank gaze roaming over empty space,
This paranoid girl kills her heart, her mind.
As the delusions remain audible, to this day,
Without ever smiling.


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About Fuyuko

まだまだです
This entry was posted in 凋叶棕 and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to パラノイドガール / Paranoid Girl

  1. Pingback: パラノイドガール || 凋叶棕 | Petalite Yuu

  2. 空見りんき says:

    Hello. Thank you for your translation.

    > わたしがどういうモノなのかを 知りながら!
    > While I know what’s really going on!

    I think the subject of this sentence is “you”.
    I would translate the sentence to
    “While you know what I am like!”.

    Liked by 1 person

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